Lost battles

When you look at me you can only see the battles I've lost

The scars I have

The steps I missed

The tears I cried and the night I've spent awake

All my injuries, my failures, my cracks are on display.

You can't see the first step I took into the water

The day I pushed the door to fight back all of my demons

Even if I was still weak and unsure of the victory

And will forever remain ;

You can't see the day I stuck a needle in my thigh

My hand shaking and my eyes wetting but still trying

To walk on the scary, right path.

You can't count the pills I didn't swallow

The jumps I didn't jumped

The cars that didn't hit me

The missing scars.

All you can see are dark circles under my eyes

A redness on my left arm

My legs failing me in the middle of a step

And you assume I've already lost.

But I won

I win every time I turn my back to someone who will only stab me with their love

Even though I love them

Even though I would have died for them

I win every time I feel the panick raising

And keep on walking

I win everytime I have the courage to loose

And the wisdom to know

There are some times you have to run away.

So no, you can't read my victories by reading my body.

All you can see are the battles I've lost.

Yet, here I am.